Happy New Year

So far this year is going much better then the last. I was able to spend the holidays with a loving family that, even though they were not my own, cared for me and cared for my feelings. Never have I felt so welcome in a significant others family's home. No one looked at me badly. No one ignored me. I felt more happiness in one day than I have felt in years. Now I have another safe place that I can call home. I never thought that I could ever be allowed to have this much happiness in my life. My family gets bigger everyday and the more, the merrier. I have someone new that loves me with more feeling than anyone ever has. Everyday I wake up knowing that I'm loved, missed, wanted, cared for, and cared about. There's more that I feel, but for most of my feelings there are no words. I am in love with a very wonderful person and I really couldn't ask for more. I hope that I can bring myself to write more frequently and that I have even more happiness to share. I love you baby. Good-night.

Happy

For some years now, I have woken up in the morning and wondered if I would be happy that day. Most of the time I wouldn't be by the end of the day. I know that there are things that I could have changed to have made the day happy but at the time I couldn't think of them until later. Looking back at the last several years of my life, I am not sure if I even wanted to be happy. I spent a long time wondering if I deserved to be happy. For someone like me the answer was always no. I couldn't be happy in life because I was so unhappy with myself. I wasn't who I knew I was. Now that I can be myself, I think I could really be happy now. I wake up in the morning now and look around with a smile. I now know that I will be happy by the end of the day. Thank you heart! I hope I have more happy to share next time too. Night Night.

Matters of the heart

I have had a lot going on since the last time I wrote. My life has changed so much in just a matter of a few weeks. I let go of one life and started a new one. I walked out of the only life I had known for the last thirteen years so that I could find out who I was. I didn't know me without him. Who was this person who cared so much about what others thought that she would not only lie to her best friend but to herself about how she truly felt. Since walking away I have found a big piece of what was missing. My heart was just in the wrong place all those years. I hope that the people I hurt will some day forgive me but to find my happiness was worth the wait and the heart ache. I will not cry again or feel lonely again. My life has started once more and this time I will love who the hell ever I want. I will live the life that was meant to be mine. I will be happy. I am happy. Thank you to my heart for showing me the light.

Need Thoughts

I have been sitting around thinking about all my projects. I have made no further progress on any of my projects. I need ideas, somewhere to go, and an outlet. My stories and such have to go somewhere. Maybe I have no talent. Maybe there is nowhere that the story can go. I am being driven mad with hopelessness. I have lost my hope in the future. I cant even manage to keep a blog going. Having a very hard time coming up with ideas for a nothing blog. Losing my mind with nothing to talk about but the fact that I have nothing to talk about.
I have been sleeping very badly. No dreams and weird hours of restlessness. Days spent with a blank mind. What happened to all the lovely fun I had. All the dreams and sleep. This is going to be a short blog for I have found that there is nothing worth talking about. I hope that someday I can find something worthwhile to say. Someday the dreams may start again. The words may move me once more.
Thank you.

Knit Chat

Everyone has something that they like to do when they have nothing to do. I could be asleep but I don't feel it. I have a favorite thing where I like to turn on a move that I have seen a million zillion times and knit. I know that it sounds really weird but it's helpful to chill out. I like to make scarfs for friends and such. There is like nothing else that I know how to make but people seem to like the scarfs that I make so I guess I'll just keep doing it.
That is really all I have to say about that. Which is sad. I am sure.
When I knit I like to watch different movies.
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
My Fake Fiance
Raise Your Voice
50 First Dates
27 Dresses
so on and so on
I really like the dramas. Dramas really are the best. If I have seen it alot then it's great for knitting.
I also like to listen to music. I really like the oldies. All kinds. Rock, Pop, Country. I also listen to some new stuff but not alot of it.
It really is just one of those days. I felt like writing but nothing is coming to me. I have had nothing happen to me in so long that I am starting to wonder if I am still living my life or if I am just simply remembering a dream that would put anyone to sleep if they watched it.You should never really wish that things would happen you but I wish that something that I can talk about would happen. I need a topic.
I know that here are not really any people that read this but if anyone has an idea, it would be helpful.
In the mean time,
Poem:
Too many thoughts, Too many words
Cant write them all, But they need a place
Cant stop the wheels turning, Cant stop the heart burning
Where to write the words, How to write the words
Who can write the words, Stop thoughts inside
Stop the fear my rise, Heart beats beat too loud
Sun shines too bright, Days move too fast
Too many words to write, With no time to write them

That is all. Nite.

Back

It has once again been a long time since I last wrote and as always I have no clue what to say. Nothing has changed. Same job, same place, and same problems. The most that I have been doing is reading. Most of the books that I read are young adult novels. I really like the ones about fairies. Some of the authors that I read are: Holly Black, Melissa Marr, Aprilynne Pike, and Carrie Jones ( those are just some of the fairy book authors ). There's something about reading a good book that can change you and your view of the world. There are books that have taught me so many different things. From how to love to how to be a friend. I see goodness and magic in the world because of books. I also see the bad because of them too. You have to have both to have a good story. I hope that some day I can write a book that will make someone feel changed. I'm working on it. I will keep working on it until I feel that it is something to be proud of. In all dreams and hopes, "someday" will happen. I really hope I remember to write again soon. I'm not sure that anyone even reads this but I can, like everything else in my life, hope. Til next time..............

Long Time No Write

I have not written in some time and I fell really bad about it. I don't really like to complain about things, even though that seems like all I do, and everything that has been going on has been one complaint after another. I can hardly think of one nice thing to say. I try very hard at the only job that I could get. I am not looking to stay there forever but I am glad that I could stay there as long as I have and I do hope that I can stay there until I find something else. Most of the people are nice and some of them seem to be okay with my weird personally. I have a very hard time fitting in with people but some of the people that I work with have gone out of their way to make me feel at home. I really hope that they can continue to work there until they find something better for them too.
I moved to a different place. Even if it is in the same town, I hate moving. I have some really heavy things and not so many people to help. There were a few people that showed up they were a big help but too much stuff! I never ever want to move again. Our new apartment is very nice. We are very happy here. My cats love it too. They get to run around so much. Its so cute.
I am working on a story. I am always working on a story. I have been working on stories for years. I can never seem to finish anything. When I was in school, I could come up with anything. I had so many ideas that I couldn't get through the day without writing something down. Now it takes me forever just to come up idea. I haven't been able to finish a story in so long that I am starting to believe that I lost it. I will never give up. I will never stop. I have a story to tell. I may not know what it is but it is there. It will be told.
Lets all hope that the future is bright and that we can all reach the starts that we dream of.
Thank you for your time.

Eyes
Mouth
Closed
Heart
Soul
Opened
Believe
Smile
Trust
Hope
Love
Be
You