meaningless dribble

i have been feeling down most days. i dont even care if i spelled the title for the post right and i am not going to put anything in upper case letters. i feel like i both have alot to say and nothing to say at the same time. my last post was just because i had to say something about losing a friend. it hurt me that my long time friend could not talk to me. instead they just cut me off. i have been told that i am a good person and the good friends that i do have i have had for a very long time. i dont know how to deal with having someone tell me that i do more harm then good. i just try. if i do something wrong why cant people talk to me. i can listen. i listen all the time. i am sure that some people will come across this blog and just think that i am some girl that likes to wine. well dont we all? i hear people wine all the time. its fine. if you dont believe that something is fair say something because if you dont then you have no reason to wine. speak people. i will try to write more and i will try to be more up beat. but trying and doing are not the same thing. no one changes overnight. i have spent most of my life trying to change and little by little i have. most of the change has been due to the people around me. i have wonderful friends and even if i just lost one that just means that i was wrong about that person. my heart still hurts and i still have to stop myself from calling and asking but i will get better. getting over is not forgetting. it is just learning to live without even if it hurts to do so. so now that i have said nothing. here is a poem. feel free to hate it. i suck at poems anyway lol.

broken hearted
loved in vain
hands empty
eyes full
tears streaming
smile gone
dark places
missing you
wasted years
secrets shared
souls lost
what now
is tomorrow here
will there be
missing me

and yes that can be a poem lol. its messy but its me. enjoy.

Tears

I will never understand why people do the things that they do or say the things that they say. I really don't believe that someone could just drop another person like their not even human. Friendships are there to share things with each other. If you don't share the good times and the bad then your not friends. There are friends that you don't share a lot with but those are different kinds of friends. I am talking about close friends. The people that are your family. I have friends that are my family but just today I found out that I didn't even have as many as I thought I did. It's hard when you have called someone family for many years but when shit goes down, they find it easier to just drop you. No words shared, no phone call. Just a cold, heartless text. When there are no feelings behind what has happened then that means that there were no feelings to begin with. You shared your life with this person for nothing. Well, maybe not nothing. You learned something. You found a truth inside the lies. Your heart may be broken, but that is just the proof that you still have one. I guess after today, I will just have to be more on guard with my heart. I know now who is there for me and who is not. And if you can't handle being my friend, then I don't need you. My life will be better now. It will take time to fill back up the hole in my heart, but at least I know that I will be whole again. Do you?
Always talk to people. Always give a reason for what you do. People get hurt when you don't. If your heartless then that's fine, but I have a heart. I love all my friends and my family. Trust that I will never leave you to wonder why. Mostly because, I will never leave you. Hugs and kisses to all. Even though I know that there is only friend that follows me. lol. Extra hug for you Sister Kiki!!