clouds

all day i thought about how nothing is the way that i had hoped. i can't think of any reason why other then just the simple fact that sometimes life just doesn't go your way. i know that everyone has things that they want to be doing and some are. when i was younger i wanted to be so much more. i always said that i would be a writer. i would have a best seller and buy a big house and throw lots of parties. i can't even write a blog well. i was sitting up last night and thinking about it and came up with the only thing that makes since. i was never meant to be more then what i am. if i was meant to be something else then i would have talent. i have no talent. there is nothing that i am able to do well. while i was sitting there thinking about it the thought came into my head that maybe i should just stop trying. how can you write a best seller when your nothing. i know that there are people who have done it but that does not mean that we all can. how do you write a story when you can't even be a main character in your own life. i live for everyone but my self. most people write from their lives but when you have no life then what do you write. when you have no imagination left and you suck at writing. how do you tell a story. you can't. there is nothing but for you to admit defeat and move on. this just may be me admitting defeat. there is nothing left. my best stories are the lies that i tell myself to get to tomorrow. i dreamed about being able to stop writing and just move on. it was some what of a sweet dream. i always tell myself that i can do something. even when i know that i can't. raise a glass to the death of a dream and then smile because it was for the better. i know that my friend (who is the only person who reads this blog) will tell me that its fine and whatever i think is right but its kind of sad that even she knows that it is a lost cause. good night dreams. here's to hoping that maybe tomorrow will not have so many clouds.